the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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