Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
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