We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
