Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
My underwear smells like fireworks.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize