why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
