And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
