My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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