We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
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