You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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