eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
