I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Quick, to the slutcave!
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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