we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
