what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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