since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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