he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
