He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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