Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
did i just pee glitter
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
