I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Randomize
