I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
