Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize