My hair reeks of homosexuality.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
