Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
