If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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