I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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