Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
