I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
