Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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