you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
