if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I just gift wrapped bread.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
