What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
