I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
