I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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