do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
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