dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
