so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
