I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
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