About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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