bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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