He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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