I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
