Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
