Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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