A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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