There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
the room spins SO much faster in panama
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Randomize
