Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
