Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
