apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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