she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize