Whatcha textin bout Willis?
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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