i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
