She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
