HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
