I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize