if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize