If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
