he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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