It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I could make wine with my vomit
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
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