trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
