Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
