Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
