You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
