That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Randomize
