Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Randomize
