i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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