I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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