I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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