I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
