i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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