I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
