i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
she smelled like a LAN party
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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