I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
