She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
