I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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