The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize